Im on the city again, recently i was from home though I spend
almost whole day to other place also I am not befriend off . On the house I wanted to study but I can’t focus
I wanted to pray yet I think it would be in vain for God knows it’s my mantra to ask why. I gone to the park
pass by again in the church i spend a little while I wanted to pray but I don’t
know what to pray beside of asking guide so I could make this stuff of mined.
Suddenly my route change instead of other side I make my way in a place where I
could fine peace, I could meditate in doing this, where I could not be disturb,
and i really could I can’t cherish the day by like I could not make a good
journal on the certain thing. It was like ordinary day yet people couldn’t
change me for I guess they had also burdens of their own may it be a smidgen
but it really reflect to someone’s image if he can’t control by herself. Along with me is my natural sickness; instead
of making our critical mind works and out of curiosity and consciousness i find
my way involuntarily not to make a big deal of things as if it was part of the
sickness or slacks I had. For an instance
like this creating a story and not being cautious of errors I could make. Changes,
is individuals responsibility to herself maybe if only this could not turn us
to untamed beast likely if we overcome our belief and value we kept. I am not
still well. Don’t know when could I recover? It might look i am doing fine
simply because I did had a little business to study assuming I am working had
and trying my best; the truth is until
this time I could not find a way to make my effort worthwhile, to have a passion
of what I’ve been doing to bring out the best I could have. I can’t set aside my dis-abilities or
difficulties perhaps because I am not in control not understand well the basic
things which necessarily or just taking it aside or for granted. Somehow it does a big impact of not being
fully aware off. In fact I cannot even analyze it well but the burden is always
there, you couldn’t be appease as fooling yourself everything is fine when you
could see dis order and relate to yourself.
I could say for now it was a sickness or infirmity we tend to hide for
actions also is a sign and it could not have errors randomly and with doubt. I
am speaking not so fully mind; of course I am what I am until this present
time. I am not yet able to master
myself, cease praying and contented, without anxiety in a day and had a real
ecstasy. I am still slave for myself and
as long as I remain I could not master any craft i possessed, what is this it
our little way of making who we are things that reflects us to be “we” as we
want to excel in all what we do. I quote that would be the meaning of
significance not “we” the ones who made it, it’s not for our self alone it is
for the world for our existence beyond constraint of order we know not. Pardon
me if, you find this exaggerating or extricate but unpleasant, this is my way
to cure my anxiety for a time to ease my conscience of thinking “significance”
as exchange to the guilt that I could not barely and dare to face to be fully
functional as I could it might be a crime for in return things always had a
payback or a right price and I don’t know how to find things to make a tricks
as ethical or responsible and without principle. It would be against all odds and
bias not even considering the realities which coincide. Dreams, I think is not
only illusory, it would not have a sense with evaluate, it would like happening
in at rest and not in reality likely that it had no significance when we know
there is different in fantasy and the real thing, one must be set aside one
should be choose. Perhaps what disturbs me is I could not defy those things,
and how could i find purpose on it, like predicting things as if part of a
dream, unfortunately it is also when I am awake. I could not reason it out of
course i don’t want to be incriminate or persecuted unjustly and making my
depravity as conspiracy. And ignore what
is going around making me unconscious, dumb, naïve and diminish. It was like a
phobia it really caught attention voluntarily like paranoia. I don’t know how to react as a man with goodwill
to have a relevant action, as if values had no meaning in life and conscience
are no effect?.. And whether it all in vain, all I can say is where do I find
the fairness in this privilege’s? How could someone find an order to such
sickness? It might be a part again of reality so we could defy the metaphysical
things to our aspiration to make little efforts disturb our senses for
creativity to make significance and relevance for our perspiration pain and ill
effect of what we strive, considering the fact that we are not Gods as to
perceive and achieve a lot of things in an instance in natural and just cause
rightful and sublime. What is obvious materials which is expensive are crucial
and detailed sometimes it might have devious facts that had definite consideration
to infer. I hope I could defend my rights whether in circumstances if need to i
wish I could had also equal rights as with the politicians we don’t guilty or
not of the crime which they are exposed and along with the scandals that become
open secret not entirely for my own sake but for all.. I wish I could had more
someday a better composition of paragraph in a statement with the best of my
ability if I could with God almighty’s providence care, so this could help..
No comments:
Post a Comment